


Change

by OfDonutsAndWomen



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, Butch kara, Coming Out, F/F, supportive friends, supportive lena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-03-16 14:44:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13638354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfDonutsAndWomen/pseuds/OfDonutsAndWomen
Summary: Kara Danvers and her story to becoming butch. Supportive family and friends.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I couldnt get this idea out of my head so here it is! This was me in a nutshell a couple of years ago when I was discovering myself. I hope it came across properly! Enjoy!

She wanted to change. Was ready to. She didn’t ever have the courage to do it, though. Until today. That’s how she ended up here. Embarrassed and scared, terrified even. But she was here. 

Kara walked around in the unfamiliar section of the store, embarrassed when she had to ask an associate for help. She could feel the stare that was burning into the back of her head when she got her answer and walked to the correct shelf.

The woman at the fitting room counter stared at her when she looked over her items and asked if Kara would be the one trying them on or if she was with someone else. She explained that she was alone and pretended not to hear the stifled laugh as she locked the door behind her.

 

She bit her lip when she reached the cash register, wondering what they would think about her. What they’d say when she left the shop.

She heard them whispering as she gathered her bags and walked away, a blush burning its way down her cheeks.

Kara all but ran out of the mall and threw the bags into her car, quickly locking the doors behind her. She let her head fall onto the steering wheel, breathing deeply and trying to calm down.

The blonde had been in the men's section at Hollister, looking for jeans, shorts, shirts, hoodies, and boxers. She had also gotten some cologne while she was there, thinking it wouldn’t hurt to have it. 

She looks up and starts the car before driving home.

When she gets there, she grabs her bags and walks inside, locking the door behind her and jogging up to her room. She dumps out the bags on her bed and allows herself a small smile.

She’s got this.

She plucks up the courage to walk into the bathroom and pull out a couple of things she had stashed under the sink before sitting on a stool borrowed from her bar.

 

Deep breath. In, out, in, out.

You’ve got this. This is what you want. You can do this.

Kara looks down at her lap where a shiny silver pair of scissors lay. 

The blonde closes her eyes for a moment before opening them and staring at herself in the mirror, her blue eyes sharp and focused, her long blonde hair falling around her face in waves. She gathers it into a ponytail quickly.

She takes a few more calming breaths and reaches up, grabbing her ponytail in one hand and positioning the scissors at the base of it.

With one more breath, she snips it off.

She watches with satisfaction as it falls from her head. She looks at herself in the mirror, amazed at how good that felt and with renewed confidence, she picks up the clippers she had borrowed from Winn. She thinks for a moment before going to work fixing what was left of her hair. 

When she's done, she was left with a couple of inches of hair on the top which faded out to almost nothing at the base of her neck.

Kara took a moment to inspect herself in the mirror, tears welling up in her eyes. 

She steps into the shower and washes off all of the clippings that clung to her skin. When she gets out, she dries off and pads back into her room, a towel wrapped securely around her body. 

The blonde looks over her new clothes and picks out an outfit. She changes into it quickly before pulling out her phone and texting her favorite brunette, asking her to come over as soon as she could. She grinned at the instant reply that let her know that she was on her way.

A few minutes later, she heard a knock on the door and let the woman know that it was open.

She stood nervously in the middle of her living room, watching Lenas face go from worried, to confused, to a full blown smile in just a couple of seconds.

Kara was wearing a button up white shirt that was tight enough to show off her body, but loose enough that she was comfortable in it. The sleeves were rolled to just above her elbows. Her jeans were something called slim straight, not too loose, but not skinny either. They hung just low enough on her hips to show her new boxers if she were to reach up for something. Kara had finished off the look with a pair of white converse and a snapback that she had on backwards.

“Well? What do you think?” 

She waited and watched as Lena kept staring, intrigued by the blush that she saw creeping up the woman's neck.

“You look.. What's the right word..?” The brunette walked over to the butch woman and took her hat off, running careful hands through her hair before setting the hat back where it was. She stepped back and continued staring.

Kara bit her lip nervously, still waiting for a proper answer.

The ceo continued, “You look amazing. Handsome. Absolutely ravishing, Kara.”

The blonde released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding and walks up to Lena, wrapping her in a tight hug and melting when she feels it being returned.

“Thank you, Lee. Really. I didn’t know if anyone would be okay with it and I've been so nervous but I couldn't hold it in anymore but i didn't want to tell anyone and oh my gosh you should have seen the looks i got in the shop”

She pauses in her rambling when Lena pulls back, her face a mix of angry and sad.

“Kara, you're my best friend, okay? I love you for you and that's that.I don't care how you dress or how you identify or who you date. I care that you're happy, and from the looks of it, you are. I'll always support you, okay? I promise. Next time you go shopping, tell me. I’ll go with you so you don't have to face that alone. I'll protect you, not that you need it, but still. I want to be there for you. Someone has to tell those people to fuck themselves.”

The blonde has tears in her eyes and a smile on her lips by the end and pulls lena into another hug, trying not to let her emotions spill over. They stay like that for awhile, wrapped in each other. She was content to stay like this for the rest of her days,

But she knew that she’d have to tell Alex and the super friends sooner rather than later. 

So She has Lena invite them all over for a game night at Kara's place that night. They all say yes, and that they'd be there soon.

Alex was the first to arrive. Lena greeted her at the door and told her not to freak out. She had walked in and stopped in her tracks when she saw Kara, taking in her new look. A slow smile spread across her face and she pulled her little sister in for a bone crushing hug, telling her how proud she was.

Winn and James were next. They took it in stride and offered her high fives and congratulatory toast.

J’onn showed up with a bottle of alien alcohol and a smile, wrapping his adoptive daughter in a hug and telling her that they'd get right to work on a more appropriate super suit for her.

Imra and Gayle had shown up last. They both smiled at the butch woman and they each gave her a kiss on the cheek, telling her how cool it was that she had gotten up the courage to be herself.

Kara had excused herself to facetime Eliza, who cried happy tears and told Kara that she loved her, accepted her, and would be on a flight out to stay the weekend so they could catch up and do some more shopping.

Hours later they were all pleasantly buzzed and arguing over which of them would get to play Mario Kart first. Kara looked over at Lena, who was curled into her side, swatting Alex with a pillow for trying to steal her controller while James, Winn and J’onn watched in amusement. Maggie was on the floor, army crawling across the carpet and successfully snagging Imras controller while she took a shot with Gayle. 

She couldn’t have asked for a better family, a better support system.

She wanted change. She had started out scared. Scared of what people would say or do or think. And now here she was, happier than she had ever been and surrounded by most of the people she loved. They all accepted her and that was all that mattered. The rest of the world didn’t seem so scary anymore.


	2. The question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara stumbles through asking Lena on a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what this is but I wanted to carry it on somehow

It was six months later and things were going better than she had dared hope. Everyone at work seemed to take the transition well, and people on the streets rarely sent her a second look. 

Winn had made adjustments to her Supersuit, and it now featured pants instead of a skirt. The long sleeves were replaced with short ones and the House of El logo was replaced with a smaller one above her left breast. She was nearly brought to tears when they showed it to her.

 

Her life carried on. Now that things with her transition have almost completely settled down, she was ready to take another leap forward. 

That's how she ended up here. At the door to Lena's penthouse dressed in her nicest pair of joggers, a tight fitted black v neck, a pair of vans, complete with a snapback on her head backwards and a bouquet of plumerias in her hands.

She reached up and adjusted her glasses before nervously knocking on the door.

She bounced on the balls of her feet while she waited for Lena to open it, and when she did the breathe was knocked out of the reporters lungs. 

Sure, she had seen the brunette hundreds of times now, but each time was like the first. Kara was struck yet again by her beauty, even in just sweats and a college t shirt.

Lena smiled at her, using the one she seemed to reserve just for Kara. As usual, Kara felt weak in the knees. 

She offered a smile and stepped through the door, walking to the kitchen and pulling out a vase to set the flowers in it. How natural it felt to move around her friends apartment warmed her heart.

They chatted for awhile about their respective days as they sipped the wine that Lena produced from somewhere. Each passing moment made the blonde more and more nervous.

If Lena picked up on it, she didn't mention it. 

They ordered Chinese and were sat in from of the tv, watching a movie that Kara wasn't focusing on, too lost in her thoughts

So much so that she didn't immediately notice when Lena paused the movie and tried to get her attention.

“Kara? Kara. Are you okay?”

She turned to look at the brunette and smiled nervously.

“Ye-yeah! I'm good. Are you good? Do you want some ice cream? Why is the movie paused?” 

She shrinks into the couch when Lena gives her the eyebrow, knowing full well that what she had come to do was about to happen.

“Want to try that again?”

KAra gulped and adjusted her glasses, looking down as a blush spread across her cheeks.

“Um, I was just… I… Uh, did you ma-maybe want to go and get some food sometime?”

She chances a look up to find Lena with a confused look on her face. “Food? We just ate, though?”

Kara bites her lip and looks down at her lap before taking a deep breath and looking up at Lena with a confident look in her eyes,

“I mean as a date. Would you like to go get dinner with me sometime as a date.”

 

She watches as Lena's face goes from confused to more confused to seemingly happy in just a few seconds.

“A date? With you? I thought you’d never ask.”

“Wait, so is that a yes then?”

“Of course it is, Darling. I’d love nothing more.”

Kara beams and wraps Lena up in a hug, mentally high fiving herself. This was a lot easier than she thought it would be.

She ended up leaving not long after. Lena walked her to the door and Kara placed a kiss on her cheek, murmuring a promise of texting Lena tomorrow with details before walking down the hall, beaming with joy.

Things were about to change for her again, and she could only hope that it would turn out just as well as the last change did.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a few months since Kara had asked Lena out, and so far things couldn’t be going better for them. They made it a point to have at least two nights free for dates per week, and slid in a decent breakfast whenever they could spare time. 

The only issue was the sex. Or in their case, lack thereof. It wasn’t a problem, per say, but not too far from it. 

It’s not like they hadn’t talked about it. They’d actually had a very thorough conversation about it. It’s just that at the end of the day, she felt like she wasn’t giving Lena everything she needed, and that wasn’t sitting well with her.

It wasn’t lack of passion or chemistry, god there was so much of that between them. It wasn’t even a trust thing or lack of feeling safe. In Lenas arms is where she always feel safest.

Kara deemed one day that it was uncomfortably. Not with Lena, but with herself.

She was confident in herself, sure. As far as they way she dresses and carries herself. Even in her body. She knew she had killer abs as well as other attractive features that need not be mentioned. 

At the end of the day, she just wasn’t comfortable with herself. It was almost explainable. Almost.

Her clothes hid her body. She was comfortable all covered up like that. But naked? Exposed? That was another story.

The blonde didn’t hate er body, nor did she want to transition, she just simply wasn’t comfortable with herself. And that confused the absolute hell out of her. How could she possibly tell Lena all that? It sounded stupid in her own head, so how could she possibly expect Lena to understand that?

They would have to talk. Soon. And that scared the living shit out of her. What if Lena left her? Deemed her too fucked up? 

No. Kara shook her head.

Not Lena. Lena would understand. She just needs tell her.

She pulls out her phone and calls her girlfriend.

Two rings go by before the brunette picks up, a smile obvious in her tone.

“Kara, darling! I was wondering when I would hear from you today. I would have called myself, but I’ve been in a board meeting all day. I stepped out to answer. How are you, love?”

“Hey, Lee! I’m doing alright. I was actually wondering if we could meet for dinner? Our usual place? I have something to talk to you about.”

“This isn’t anything bad, I hope?” The worry was obvious in her tone.

“I certianly hope not? I mean I guess it depends on how you take it? It’s about me. Why we haven’t taken our relationship to the next level.”

A pause. 

“Darling,” she started out slowly, “you know I care about you deeply, but I’m not ready for marriage quite yet.”

The reporter chokes on air, almost bending over to cough it out.

“What? Lena.. no. No no no. Not to say that I wouldn’t because I would one day but that’s not.. Um, that’s not what this is.”

The brunette chuckles. “Oh! Well, alright then. I can leave out of her a little early and we can meet at say, five? I’ll have Jess set up reservations?”

“Sounds perfect, Lee.”

She disconnects the call and drops her phone on the counter with a quiet groan. She disappears into her closet and sets about picking out an outfit to wear for the evening.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Kara gets to the restaurant a little early and gets seated, fidgeting slightly while she waits. 

When she sees Lena approach, she stands and pulls out her chair for her, dropping a kiss to her cheek before she takes her own seat again. 

Tension pours out of the blonde in waves, her fidgeting only increasing as time passes. Thankfully, Lena breaks the silence.

“Shall we just dive right into whatever is on your mind, or would you prefer we sit here for a few more minutes?” she said it in a light teasing tone, but Kara could tell she was worried.

The reporter took a deep, steadying breath and stared down at the table. 

“I just want to explain myself a little. Or try to, at least. Though I may make things worse or say something wrong, but I want to try because it’s the least I could do and you deserve to-”

She drops off when she feels Lena's hand on top of her own. She looks up and meets the brunettes eyes, her heart clenching at the sadness that fills them. She notices the saddest smile shes ever seen and her heart completely shatters.

“Lee?”

“It’s okay, Kara. I understand.”

“Wait, what?”

“I know I can be rather,,, difficult… to be with. I understand why you would seek comfort in somebody else. You don’t have to explain.”

For a moment, all Kara can do is sit there, shocked. That’s not at all what this was about! 

“Lee, that’s.. That’s not at all what this is! You’re more than enough for me! I could never, ever cheat on you. I just wanted to explain why we haven’t had sex!”

Little did the blonde realize, her voice had been rising the entire time. Half of the restaurant was now staring at them, most of them shooting gares their way. The blonde looks around and mutters out apologies before her eyes fall back on Lena’s, who now sports a deep blush and apologetic gaze.

“I’m so sorry, darling. I just… I didn’t understand what was going on because you’ve been so distant lately and then the sudden dinner.. It was, seemed, like you were…”

“I didn’t mean to make it seem like I had done anything,” another pained look crosses Kara’s face, “I just didn’t know how to talk about it. It’s just, I’m so uncomfortable in my own body sometimes? I’m a woman. I know that, I accept it! It’s how I identify. But, I’m more comfortable dressed like a “male” than I am when I’m dressed like a “female”. I guess I just feel like I don’t match? Like, when I take my clothes off, You’ll expect something different and then it’ll be weird, because that’s exactly how I feel. When I’m about to shower, and I take my shirt off, I’m standing in pants with my boxers showing, and a sports bra. I love it, don’t get me wrong, I just feel mismatched and out of place. I hate it.”

She glances at Lena who’s staring back at her with love and understanding written all over her face.

“Darling, I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, because frankly I have no idea what it’s like, but I do understand on some level. I won’t make it about me though. I just want you to know that I would never pressure you into something you weren’t ready for. If you need time, I understand. If the time never comes, well then we’ll cross that bridge when it comes. There’s many other ways to be… pleasured? Without us being naked. Just know that I’m here for you. We’ll work through it one day at a time. I’ll do everything I can to help you feel more comfortable with yourself. Whatever you need. I’m all in, Kara. I’m here for this, for you, always.”

Kara discreetly wipes a few tears and shoots a watery smile at Lena, wondering how she got so lucky.

“I love you, Lee. So much more than I could ever tell you.”

Tears threaten to spill from green eyes as she brings the reporters hand up to her lips, brushing a soft kiss to her knuckles. 

“I love you too, Kara. Now, shall we order? I don’t know about you, but I could eat one of everything right about now.”

Kara laughs and in that moment she knows for sure. They’ll be okay. No matter what comes up, no matter what tries to rip them apart, they’ll survive it all. Together.


End file.
